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Last Updated on May 18, 2022 by Samantha Flores
Not everyone is comfortable talking about this subject. Not everyone will agree with my perspective on such a topic. And not everyone will understand why it’s important to talk about.
But, what I will say is that I am speaking from personal as well as professional experience. This is what I’ve learned about child abuse.
When the #metoo movement took charge, I was no longer isolated. When it happened to me, I was only a kindergartner. I didn’t understand. My abuser was supposed to be someone who loved and cared for me.
Yet they betrayed me. I didn’t know that it was wrong (being that I was only five years old at the time). But I knew it was supposed to be kept a secret.
My History with Child Abuse
Professionally, I worked as an abuse/neglect investigator for some time. I specifically worked with children. I came across several children with similar stories to mine. Of course, I never told them my story, but I could relate to how they felt and the confusion of it all.
While working in this profession, I often joked to friends and family that I was Olivia Benson from Law and Order: SVU. Who wouldn’t want to be her?! She’s a badass who puts the abusers away and I felt like I was contributing to that mission in my own role. It made all the difference to me to be someone’s Olivia Benson because I could’ve used someone like her.
7 Things You Should Know about Child Abuse
During my personal and professional experiences, I’ve learned what these vulnerable children want others to know about them. This vulnerable population stems from elementary age to teenagers. It’s a wide age range, but there are some similarities:
1. They are confused
This is important to understand because it seems like everyone wants an answer from the child about what happened to them. It’s not so easy for them to answer.
In their mind, they sometimes can’t distinguish what actions were wrong. This could be due to their young age, their misinterpretation of the actions, or several other reasons. These children are confused about why it happened to them.
Oftentimes, the victims are left questioning every encounter they ever had with that person. Unfortunately, a high percentage of abusers are often someone we know and trust.
2. They are hurting
With all the confusion there is also hurt. I don’t remember exactly how I felt when I learned that was happening to me was wrong. However, I do remember feeling upset when I learned that this same person was harming others.
The abused children search in their minds for things that they did wrong and often begin blaming themselves for what happened. Alternatively, they may have thought that this was the way their abuser showed them love.
Now, the child doesn’t know if they were ever really loved at all by anyone.
3. They feel embarrassed
Once it’s determined that the action(s) was not appropriate, it becomes embarrassing to know that someone has harmed you.
It’s especially embarrassing when you have detectives, investigators, medical professionals, case workers, etc. asking you the same types of questions and you’re having to repeat your story multiple times when all you really want to do is curl up in a ball and be alone.
4. They don’t want you to feel sorry for them
As vulnerable as this population is, I’ve also learned that some of them just don’t want to feel pity from anyone. We are survivors. We are strong. But we do need help and we don’t want you to feel sorry for us while doing it.
The pity from others makes it all feel even more embarrassing and can lead the abused child to shut down completely.
5. They want to forget it ever happened to them
With all the testing, questions, and legalities of a child abuse case, you can imagine that being a child in this situation is overwhelming. Truthfully, you just want to forget it ever happened and not think about any of the details anymore.
This is a time when the abused child needs those around them to understand that they also need some space to process.
As much as a loving family member or friend may just want to wrap this child up in their arms to comfort them, sometimes that’s not what the child wants. Be sensitive to their needs and wishes to a point. Be as understanding as you can be in this situation. It’s a difficult situation to be in.
6. They don’t know who they can ever trust again
The abused child, regardless of their age, has trouble trusting others again. Internally, they have hesitations and constantly question the intentions of those around them and those that they meet.
When you have been betrayed (especially by someone you knew, loved, and/or trusted) how can you trust anyone again? Their guard is going to be up no matter what and reasonably so.
I think I could have benefited from counseling sessions when I went through this difficult time. Counseling is an option for abused children to participate in to help them overcome some of their hesitations.
7. They don’t want this event to define them or their future
I didn’t share my story with anyone for several years. I kept it to myself and basically locked it away inside and tried to keep it from defining my life.
My story was brought to the surface when someone else spoke up about the abuse they faced by my same abuser. Since then, I’ve struggled with keeping that truth far from mind.
As much as I or any other victim of child abuse doesn’t want this to be a defining event, unfortunately it is now part of who we are through our experiences. It changes us.
But don’t underestimate the power we have once we have taken control of ourselves and the life we want to live from that point on.
Why bring awareness about child abuse?
I am a mom now. Therefore, I felt it was important to address this topic. My experience as a victim of child abuse has left me with trust issues in the sense that I am extremely particular with whom I allow to be alone with my child. My mind plays tricks on me at times and I become an overbearing mother.
Nevertheless, my experience will be something that I think of often as my child grows older and when I can’t always be there.
Recently, I spoke to a friend whose child went through a similar experience. She didn’t know how to help her child through this situation. The seven points in this post are the same points I made to her to help her family get through this difficult time.
I only hope that these seven points will help others who find themselves in a similar situation and needing resources and guidance.
Child abuse happens more often than we would like to admit. Unfortunately, the majority of child abuse victims are abused by someone they know.
To all parents: Be involved. Ask questions. And don’t be afraid to be overbearing when needed. For support with how to cope, please visit Helping Survivors for more resources.
Always,
Samantha❤
Resources
- Joyful Heart Foundation- by Mariska Hargitay
- Why You Need to Teach Your Kids about Tricky People- EverydayMomSquad.com
- Healing Steps: A Gentle Path to Recovery for Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse
- Healing from Childhood Abuse: Understanding the Effects, Taking Control to Recover
- Helping Your Child Recover from Sexual Abuse
- The Inner Child Workbook: What to do with your past when it just won’t go away
- Helping Survivors of Sexual Abuse and Assault
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Baggage & Motherhood — A Guest Writer Series: A Parent Suffering with Long-Term Effects of Childhood Abuse by Samantha Flores | Real Life Mama
August 23, 2019 at 4:59 pm[…] Always report any cases of abuse. In the event that you need to know how to help a child get through their experience of abuse, find these seven tips about helping victims of assault. […]
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July 15, 2019 at 11:27 pm[…] How to Get Baby to Sleep in the Crib Throughout the Night- CenduParam.com […]
Elizabeth O
May 31, 2019 at 1:33 pmIt is truly one of the worst betrayals of trust and children have it in their hearts for a long time. Frankly, I’m for locking up child abusers for a very long time.
Samantha Flores
May 31, 2019 at 6:57 pmI couldn’t agree more, Elizabeth! It’s unfortunate that children have those experiences.
TheKitchenDoc
May 20, 2019 at 12:08 amThis is heartbreaking…kudos to you ofr penning it down
Samantha Flores
May 20, 2019 at 11:13 pmThank you so much! I hope my vulnerability helps others.
Blake
May 19, 2019 at 1:37 pmVery insightful. Hard subject to write on but thank you!
Samantha Flores
May 20, 2019 at 11:13 pmThanks for reading, Blake!
Sarah Meh
May 18, 2019 at 12:04 pmThis is an insightful post. Child abuse is painful and should be dealt properly.
Samantha Flores
May 20, 2019 at 11:12 pmThanks for your input, Sarah!
hittler khan
May 18, 2019 at 6:31 amenjoy reading thank you
SiennyLovesDrawing
May 18, 2019 at 5:54 amEnjoy my read & learnt much more about child abuse from your post here. Thanks for this great sharing. Agreeing absolutely child protection from abuse/ any harm extremely important. cheers siennylovesdrawing
Samantha Flores
May 20, 2019 at 11:12 pmThank you for reading!
Ivan Jose
May 18, 2019 at 4:34 amThis is well-written considering that this is about a sensitive topic. I am sure most of us have experienced some form of abuse when we were small. This is painful for you because of the memories of the past. I hope no ever child experiences abuse but that is not the case. I pray that it does not happen to my children.
Samantha Flores
May 20, 2019 at 11:11 pmThanks for reading, Ivan! It’s unfortunate that it happens. I hope our children never have that experience.
onehoppymomma
May 17, 2019 at 11:17 pmSuch a difficult topic but important to understand how it affects people.
Samantha Flores
May 20, 2019 at 11:10 pmIt is truly sad that we have to discuss it, but it does shed some light on such unfortunate circumstances.
Debra Roberts (Run Wyld)
May 17, 2019 at 4:14 pmThis is a brilliant post and something that is real and affects so many. I’m glad you are breaking the silence and promoting this awareness!
Samantha Flores
May 20, 2019 at 11:09 pmThank you so much for your kind words, Debra!
amayszingblogs
May 17, 2019 at 8:13 amChild abuse is not joke every child suffer different kind of trauma because of abuse. All parents should read this article to bring awareness. great topic for today!
Samantha Flores
May 17, 2019 at 3:38 pmThank you for reading! I hope others feel compelled to share this post as well to spread awareness.????
honeybunnytwee
May 17, 2019 at 4:59 amPeople who are adults that abuse children make me so angry, they should know better. This was helpful in seeing how the victim feels
Samantha Flores
May 17, 2019 at 5:24 amIt makes me angry, too! The innocence of the child is robbed from them and that’s not something they can ever get back. I’m glad I was able to shed some light on the subject to you from the victim’s perspective!
Anagha
May 17, 2019 at 4:47 amThis is a nice awareness post. I was 4.5 when I was brutally physically abused. I asked for help but no one helped me. When I went home, I could never share it with anyone. I have no idea, how come at that age, I got the realization of hiding it thinking parents will not like it. I am glad that modern parents are making their kids talk freely.
Samantha Flores
May 17, 2019 at 5:23 amI felt that same way, Anagha! It’s sad that children feel that way about not wanting to upset their parents when the child is the one who is hurting. I’m so sorry that happened to you.???? I hope more parents become aware of the potential dangers out there and protect their children.
kendallbird0622
May 17, 2019 at 1:49 amThis was a very good, informative read. Difficult to talk about, but something all parents should look out for. Thank you!
Samantha Flores
May 17, 2019 at 4:09 amThank you for your kind words! I hope others find this post to be informative as well.
You, Me and Benny
May 16, 2019 at 8:47 pmthis is so true and something everyone needs to be aware of!! thank you for posting
Samantha Flores
May 17, 2019 at 4:09 amThank you for reading!!
Michele @ ourredonkulouslife
May 16, 2019 at 7:58 pmThank you for bringing light to this subject. I myself being a child of abuse and then growing up to be in an abusive relationship for 5 years. It has a lasting affect on us all the way into our adult years. It took me a long time to be semi ok. I vowed when I became a parent this would never happen.
Samantha Flores
May 17, 2019 at 4:08 amI’m in your shoes as well, Michele! Our children need us to be our best selves and working through our pain helps us get there. Kudos to you for making it through!
Sanjota Purohit
May 16, 2019 at 6:32 pmThis is one of the very underrated topic mostly comes in limelight. Children needs to be taught about the child abuse and the necessary actions to overcome the abuse.
Samantha Flores
May 17, 2019 at 4:07 amI agree, Sanjota! It is my hope that others spread awareness about this topic as well through more writing.
aisasami
May 16, 2019 at 4:21 pmThis is very important as we need to bring more awareness to the issue. Also, we need to inform tho who witness it to report, don’t be afraid. Being silent could endear the child. We can’t respect the family privacy when a life is endanger!
Samantha Flores
May 17, 2019 at 4:06 amExactly! It’s easy to turn a blind eye, but when life is at risk we need others to not be afraid to step up. Thanks for reading!
Michelle Christie
May 16, 2019 at 3:06 pmThat is a tough article to read, to know that anyone would abuse an innocent child. However, it is important to shed light on the topic so that people know what to look out for as signs of possible abuse.
Samantha Flores
May 17, 2019 at 4:05 amThanks for reading, Michelle! I hope this educates others as well.
Neil Alvin Nicerio
May 15, 2019 at 11:19 pmI learned a lot reading this article. Now I know what to avoid doing to my child.
Samantha Flores
May 16, 2019 at 12:49 amThanks for reading, Neil!
Luna S
May 15, 2019 at 8:11 pmI agree this is a difficult topic to write about, such a heartbreaking yet real thing that happens. Thank you for all the information you provided.
Samantha Flores
May 16, 2019 at 12:49 amThank you for reading, Luna! I hope others find the information helpful as well.
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geekydaddydave
January 26, 2019 at 5:14 amExcellent writing about a difficult topic. This is a topic that is every parents’ greatest fear and it is so important that we know what to look for.
I am also a first time parent of a rambunctious toddler and it is amazing how I look and life and life events so differently since he has been around.
Samantha Flores
January 26, 2019 at 5:25 pmThank you so much for reading! It is so true how we look at life differently now with our little ones around. We can’t imagine life without them and we work so hard to protect them. Cheers to first time parenthood!