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Last Updated on May 21, 2019 by
**This post was made in partnership with Kathryn Sullivan.**
Congrats, Mama! You did it! You grew an entire human! There were many times on my journey where I didn’t think I was going to make it, but somehow here I am 6 weeks postpartum. I can tell you that as different as you now may feel in this new role of Mama, you are still in there and make sure to take care of yourself.
Next stop, childbirth!
Now that you’re here and ready for childbirth, I’m sure you have some mixed feelings just like I did. Mixed feelings such as, “Get this baby out of me before it gets any bigger,” or “I don’t ever want to give birth because I don’t want to share him and the safest place he’ll ever be is in my belly,” or better yet, “I’m so goddamn hungry somebody feed me before I cry.” All of these feelings are valid and expected at this point in pregnancy. If you’re like me and this is your first babe, or even your fifth, you’re probably fighting back the onset of the fear of childbirth.
Fear of childbirth is natural! There is zero shame in being afraid; it’s what has kept our species going and evolving to this point! A human will be exiting your body soon. If you weren’t a little scared about that, I would be concerned about your mental state. I’d like to think I’m a pretty level headed person. I am a Capricorn after all, but fear can bring out the most irrational parts of you that you didn’t even know your subconscious was holding on to. So let’s explore some of the fears of childbirth and talk ourselves off the metaphorical ledge.
It’s going to be painful.
Pain is an obvious fear of childbirth because for some of us, this is our first time experiencing this. It’s hard to prepare for something when you don’t know what to expect. All we know is that it’s going to be the worst pain of our lives and then we’re going to black it out of our minds like some kind of psychopath.
This fear can be managed! I’ve read several blogs that went into detail about managing expectations. If we go into this experience expecting very uncomfortable pressure and not extreme debilitating pain, it changes the way your mind interprets the pain. This will make it easier to manage labor. I know this sounds crazy! However, if you can rewire how your mind lives through the “pain” it could help change your mindset and expectations on the rest of labor.
Am I prepared?
The feeling of being unprepared is another fear of childbirth. I had several family members ask me if I went to a Lamaze or birthing class. For me, there was nothing that they were going to tell me in a class that I hadn’t already learned from my own research or from talking to other mamas. I didn’t need to learn their weird and outdated breathing techniques that we all make fun of. I know how to breathe from several months of practiced meditations. I’ve been working on meditation and breathing since I found out I was pregnant in order to work through some old childhood traumas that I did not want to bring into my journey of motherhood.
Meditations
Meditative breathing helps to get more oxygen into your body and brain which is good for mommy and therefore good for baby. This is the important breathing because the more oxygenated your blood is the better your body will handle the “pressure” of labor. Meditating is a hard thing to practice at first, but you get better, I promise! I focused on my breathing, breathe in deeply through your nose, hold for 5 seconds and breathe out slowly from your mouth.
While doing this I would also recite mantras or affirmations depending on what I needed to hear. Some days I would tell myself how strong I was. Other days, I just needed to remember to trust my body. It helped manage my expectations thinking that labor would be exactly what I could handle and the universe (or God if you are more religious) would take care of the rest.
Breathing
This really helped me during labor! It sounds cooky, but breathing this way through contractions makes them feel shorter and manageable. I say that now being able to look back on the moment and know this breathing helped me not panic. While Hubby timed my contractions, I would breathe through them. I told myself to “Trust my body, it’s doing what it needs to do.”
With my birth experience, my labor intensified very quickly. By the time I checked into the hospital and got settled, I was already at 6 cm. My contractions were coming too fast for me to catch my breath and recenter myself. I started losing control of my mentality, my breathing, and I started to panic.
Unlike in the movies where the women are just screaming at the top of their lungs, during labor you HAVE to make low moaning noises. Screaming puts your body into fight or flight mode. This does not help keep your mind and body calm like you need it to be. I knew I was losing control when I started screaming and could not focus on anything else except the pain. So girl, I got that damn epidural. I am not ashamed. I’m so proud of the fact that I even got that far without medication! However, do what you feel is right.
It’s your choice
If you feel that you really don’t need the birthing classes don’t let anyone mommy shame you into thinking that you have to go, like my dad tried to do. In my experience, I do my own research and come to my own conclusions. The more I am bogged down with unnecessary information the more anxious I become. For me, going to these classes was going to actually make my fear of childbirth worse.
However, if you need the most information you could possibly have at this point, then by all means go! Most hospitals offer multiple types of birthing classes for free so take advantage.
Photo by Ryan Franco on Unsplash
Fear of the unknown.
Still on edge? It’s hard to calm down and focus on your breathing when labor can go so many different ways. I know women who were in labor for days. I also know women who were in labor for all of 5 hours. The best way to combat this type of fear of childbirth is to focus on your birth plan! Your doctor is going to highly recommend you do so. Plus, it’s a great way to get familiar with the different paths that your birth experience may take such as drug-free, epidurals, or a C-section.
Birth Plan
Now that you’ve done some research and created a plan, it’s now time to let go of that plan. SAY WHAT?! Why even bother, right? After reading so many blogs and talking to so many mamas, their birth plan became so important that when the plan had to change, they were devastated. They felt like their body failed them or that they weren’t strong enough to do it the way they wanted to.
Plans change; especially in labor and delivery. Honey, I’m sorry to tell you, you are not in charge here. And if you haven’t learned that through this entire pregnancy you should definitely learn it now. This baby is going to get here anyway it needs to. Therefore, please just let go of your need to control and be open to changes. This will be so important for you mentally and physically.
This type of thinking is probably most important to us first time mamas who don’t know what to expect. We have tried planning this birth out to a T in order to gain some type of control and therefore be less fearful. In reality, if you are resistant to change it will create more fear.
Give yourself grace
For instance, you may want an all natural birth. However, you’ve been in labor for 40 hours and your body is not relaxing enough to dilate past 5 cm. Plus, you haven’t gotten any sleep, or the “pressure” is ungodly, OR babe is distressed and you need a C-section. Getting down on yourself and stressing yourself out is not good for your body or little one’s. Once your babe is here and is safe, does it truly matter how they got here? Let your body and medical team do what needs to be done to take care of you.
On the other hand, mamas have also said that upon arrival to the hospital their medical team seemed very forceful on going the drug route, even when the mom specified they wanted all natural. While I did not have this negative experience, I sought out the epidural after giving it my best shot. Many people say this is a common occurrence in Labor and Deliver.
Doulas
You will have an incredible team there to support you so let them fight for your birth plan. You will have your significant other, your midwife, nursing team, or maybe you have even gone as far as hiring a doula. A doula is someone you can hire to be there to support you for the birth of your baby. Some people prefer this route so that their significant other can be in the moment. Maybe your significant other isn’t the greatest at knowing how to help you through the pain; that’s okay!
Doulas are trained specifically to help coach you through different circumstances and position changes. Most importantly, they are there for you and only you. On the other hand, your nurses and doctors will be leaving the room consistently throughout labor. Knowing that you don’t have to keep your shit together because you have an amazing support system will help your body and mind relax.
This surrender is so important to get to during your delivery. This is what is going to help you know your body and its needs. Trusting your mind and your body will help you know if you are going to be able to stick with your birth plan. It will help you advocate for yourself if the medical staff is being a little too pushy at times. Not to say that this will happen. However, being able to listen to your body and let your team help you is going to get you there.
Photo by Filip Mroz on Unsplash
Fear of medical intervention or even death.
My biggest fear of childbirth when nearing my due date was having to be induced. I really did not want to be induced. Any mama I talk with that has been induced has had somewhat of a long and drawn out labor. I wanted to be able to go into labor naturally and be able to let my body do what it was made to do.
Being induced
Ladies, we have been birthing babies for millions of years; I think our bodies can take it! However, sometimes medical intervention is necessary. This can be when babe is overdue. When this happens, the placenta can begin to “die” and babe is no longer getting the needed nutrients. In this case, doctors will make the decision to induce.
Another common reason for induction is mama has high blood pressure or pre-eclampsia and baby needs to come out asap. In these instances, it is important to trust your medical staff and do what is important for you and baby.
Death
I was very much afraid of this mostly because nothing is guaranteed. It’s scary to think that something could happen to you or your baby after you’ve taken so much time and care to grow and protect them. It’s something that was in the back of my mind this entire pregnancy because I know several people who have had stillborn children. This is a fear of childbirth that I have seen in real life.
While this is a real fear that is completely natural to have, it is one that doesn’t happen often at all. The CDC states that stillborn babies affect 1% of all deliveries in the United States and under 2% of mothers die during childbirth. This is very scary to think about because we could be one of these statistics. However, if you stay connected to your support team and trust your medical staff, they will do everything in their power to get you and your baby through labor and delivery safely. Focusing on meeting your little one will help you not focus on the negative and scary aspects associated with the fear of childbirth.
You’re going to be just fine, Mama.
You have had an amazing team behind you every step of the way; ensure that you are continuing your communication with them. My doula asked me an excellent question that I want to share with you guys! She asked me what I’m like when I am in pain. When I’m in pain I become quiet, scared, and internalize all of this. Personally, what I needed from my support team was to keep me focused on the positive and not on the pain. Things like a massage, changing positions, telling a joke, really anything to get me out of my head and not focused on the fear I was feeling got me through.
Photo by Echo Grid on Unsplash
Other people may get very quiet and need it to stay quiet. They can get themselves out of the fear, but need no one to talk to them or touch them because they will lose focus. It’s important to communicate which type of person you are so that your team knows the best way to help you.
My husband, my doula, my nursing team, my best friend and even my dog were such an incredible support team. This led to my labor and delivery being such an incredible experience that (I feel gross for even saying this) I miss it! Seeing my husband become a father and holding our baby for the first time is something I cannot even begin to describe. I am so excited for you mama’s to meet your little ones; you’re gonna be great!
Share your experience!
We all learn different ways to cope with fear. Please share your experiences in the comments below of how you get through fearful times, such as the fear of childbirth. Your experience could help someone else reading this!
You May Also Like…
- 13 Baby Shower Gifts I Couldn’t Live Without
- Hospital Bag Essentials for Labor & Delivery
- Becoming Mommy
- Living with Postpartum Depression
- The Babymoon
**This post was made in partnership with Kathryn Sullivan.**
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June 26, 2019 at 8:54 pm[…] With all the changes and stress that come with being pregnant, there is so much joy and anticipation! I may have that pregnant waddle going on, but when I see or feel my baby’s kicks, all the pain is suddenly gone and I focus on him. He’s worth it all! […]
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June 5, 2019 at 10:12 pm[…] Fear of Childbirth: A New Mom’s Insight & How to Handle the Fear […]
goldenpineappleblog
May 28, 2019 at 2:19 pmOh my gosh this post is so helpful! And I love the adorable baby pictures.
Samantha Flores
May 31, 2019 at 6:56 pmThanks so much! I enjoyed collaborating with the mama who wrote this piece!
infusionistaadmin
May 28, 2019 at 5:35 amChlidbirth may be fearful but motherhood is one of the rewarding feeling ever.
Samantha Flores
May 31, 2019 at 6:55 pmI couldn’t agree more! So worth it!
Ashley
May 28, 2019 at 3:10 amI was really nervous about my first pregnancy. Great read for expecting moms!
Sanjota Purohit
May 28, 2019 at 3:03 amThis is really painful. I salute all the moms out there. You are doing great job by boosting their courage with these beautiful tips.
Samantha Flores
May 31, 2019 at 6:55 pmThanks so much, Sanjota! I appreciate your kinds words.
SiennyLovesDrawing
May 28, 2019 at 1:20 amohh my….really enjoyed my read here, learnt more about new born here & thanks for sharing this, surely useful for new parents
cheers, siennylovesdrawing
Samantha Flores
May 31, 2019 at 6:54 pmThanks so much for reading, Sienny!
onehoppymomma
May 26, 2019 at 8:49 pmI gave birth 5 times and each was very different. Letting go of expectations can be necessary and I love that you mention giving of grace.
Samantha Flores
May 31, 2019 at 5:30 pmThanks so much! This mama who wrote the article definitely hit the nail on the head with that one!
hittler khan
May 26, 2019 at 6:35 amVery nice article. I certainly appreciate this website. Thanks!
Samantha Flores
May 31, 2019 at 5:29 pmThanks so much for your kind words!
Holli
May 26, 2019 at 1:56 amI have had 4 kids and I was just as scared each time! Great read and info!
Samantha Flores
May 31, 2019 at 5:28 pmYou would think the fear diminishes a little each time you give birth! But each pregnancy is so different that you are always thinking of different outcomes. Thanks for reading, Holli!
Jana
May 26, 2019 at 1:24 amThank you for this. As a woman preparing to do this for the first time, I’m so very nervous at times.
Samantha Flores
May 31, 2019 at 5:27 pmI understand your feelings, Jana! Hopefully this post gave you some sense of calmness. Good luck to you and congratulations!
Ashley K.
May 25, 2019 at 11:36 pmI have not been pregnant, but these things have been on my mind while trying TO get pregnant.Now, hubby and I are going down the adoption route. This is so informational and helpful for anybody who is pregnant or nearing giving birth. It definitely will help them to not feel alone.
Samantha Flores
May 31, 2019 at 5:26 pmThanks for reading, Ashley! We had a tough time getting pregnant with our son and needed intervention. Good luck to you on adopting! It takes such a big heart to adopt!
Nursery Rhymes Girl
May 25, 2019 at 6:35 pmThanks for writing this valuable post.I never think that um gonna be a mom with all of my work.. but I love to read your posts every time. Happy blogging.
Samantha Flores
May 31, 2019 at 5:24 pmThanks so much for your kind words!
Nicole Marie
May 25, 2019 at 5:19 pmThis is a great article, I think you really address so many different fears that new moms can experience and really provide them with some great ways of coping
Samantha Flores
May 31, 2019 at 5:23 pmThanks so much, Nicole! I hope others find it helpful as well.
Abu Zaid
May 25, 2019 at 3:46 pmActually i don’t know anything about Fear of Childbirth of A new mom. But for my wife experience is so hard and hurt but her motivation to have baby out is defeat the hurt, then happiness come to me and my wife after my child has been born in this world.
https://blogersport.com
Samantha Flores
May 31, 2019 at 5:23 pmFrom a father’s perspective, I’d love to know the participation you must have felt while seeing your wife do something so miraculous! Congratulations on becoming a father!
You, Me and Benny
May 25, 2019 at 3:46 pmI can’t even imagine the fear!
Samantha Flores
May 31, 2019 at 5:20 pmIt’s definitely hard to explain!
Anagha
May 25, 2019 at 3:23 pmMethod of inducing can have bad effects . I have seen it on some mommys. All those women who give births will always hold a big respect from me. This is motivational for all to be new parents too.
Samantha Flores
May 31, 2019 at 5:16 pmThanks so much, Anagha! Its It’s amazing how much we endure when giving birth.
tcleland88
May 25, 2019 at 12:42 pmI love your comment about having a plan and then letting go of it. Birth plans didn’t work with any of my three kids. Expect the unexpected is my best advice. Most women will end up with a beautiful baby at the end, no matter what.
Samantha Flores
May 28, 2019 at 6:23 amExactly! As much control as we try to have, it’s best to let the baby take the lead and expect the unexpected like you said.
Pool Operator Talk
May 25, 2019 at 4:52 amI cannot imagine
Samantha Flores
May 28, 2019 at 6:22 amThanks for reading.
Veronica Bareman
May 25, 2019 at 2:13 amIt’s been almost 25 years since I gave birth to my first child, but I will never forget how fearful I was. We didn’t have internet or blogs back then, so I’m super thankful that this next generation of mamas-to-be can find this kind of information here to set their minds at ease. <3
Ivan Jose
May 25, 2019 at 1:18 pmI was even more afraid than my wife when she was about to give birth. It’s great that you acknowledged this fear and validated the feelings of most mothers-to-be to put them at ease.
Samantha Flores
May 28, 2019 at 6:25 amThanks, Ivan! It’s hard for the daddy-to-be to not really know what to do. But being there for your wife was the best thing!
Samantha Flores
May 28, 2019 at 6:21 amThanks for your kind words, Veronica! I’m glad there are many resources out there as well.????
Luna S
May 24, 2019 at 7:55 pmWith my first I was pretty scared of it myself but in the moment it happened I just wanted it to be over and done with so I could see my baby!
Samantha Flores
May 28, 2019 at 6:20 amExactly how I felt! Just give me my baby haha..
Danielle Jones
May 24, 2019 at 7:44 pmHaving a child is no joke, and although I agree with fear being a very real factor, both of my pregnancies were very different. Despite that, my excitement far out-weighed my fear.
Samantha Flores
May 28, 2019 at 6:18 amWhat a great perspective! Thinking of the excitement would most definitely outweigh the fear. Thanks, Danielle!
globalmunchkins82
May 24, 2019 at 5:05 pmWhat a fantastic post. I was so fearful of my first experience.
Samantha Flores
May 28, 2019 at 6:17 amI was also! Thanks for reading!
Amanda Krieger
May 24, 2019 at 1:58 amI wasn’t scared at all of childbirth before my first baby, but after experiencing it I became increasingly anxious. My second baby was fine, then my third baby was precipitous (93 minutes from first pain to baby in arms) and I spent most of the pregnancy of my fourth baby anxious that I was going to have another precipitous labor and give birth in my kitchen. THANKFULLY that didn’t happen, but I think the psyche of a pregnant woman is fascinating, and women definitely deserve a lot more support through it all!
Samantha Flores
May 28, 2019 at 6:16 amOh, wow! What an experience! I’m also glad you didn’t have your baby in the kitchen haha.. I believe pregnant women also deserve all the support every step of the way!
Becoming Mommy: My Birth Story -
May 23, 2019 at 9:57 pm[…] Fear of Childbirth: A New Mom’s Insight & How to Handle the Fear […]
Rosemary
May 23, 2019 at 11:36 amCertainly a scary moment for first time mom’s to be. This is very reassuring and remembering to breathe and not panic is key.
Samantha Flores
May 28, 2019 at 6:14 amIt’s so true! Panicking makes things seem worse for sure.
Renee Clement
May 23, 2019 at 1:57 amThis is super helpful for mommas-to-be! I was more fearful with my second one as I was worried everything would be faster! Always remember, it’s your choice and you are allowed to change your mind about your plan!
Samantha Flores
May 28, 2019 at 6:13 amExactly! I like that the author of this post specified that she was proud of herself for knowing when she needed to go that route.
Krystal
May 22, 2019 at 6:56 pmCertainly a fear of the unknown. Thanks for helping ease new mama’s fears!
Samantha Flores
May 28, 2019 at 6:12 amI appreciate you reading!