Fighting Within

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Last Updated on September 23, 2018 by

I recently read an article on a friend’s Facebook page that stated “motherhood is the equivalent of working two and a half full-time jobs.” Whomever decided to conduct this research, I seriously wanted to give them a high-five! At the end of the day when I’m exhausted, but can’t really show what it is that I’ve actually done all day to make me so tired… this quote hits the nail right on the head. I’ve kept a human being alive another day; that is an accomplishment in itself!

What I’ve learned most in the past four months that our son has been in our lives is to go with the flow. Those people who know me really well will know that this is difficult for me because I like schedules. I like the predictability of schedules and I like to just plan things out. Well, motherhood definitely doesn’t have time for all that. Maybe the scheduling thing gets easier when our son gets older, but for now, each day is dictated by Dominic’s needs (diapering, changing clothes, feeding, burping, pumping, naptime, etc).

The spontaneity of adult life does not happen when there is a little person you have to consider. As miniscule as it sounds, deciding to go out for dinner at the last minute isn’t such an easy task. I dread having to turn down a last minute invitation to see a friend because I need at least a full day to prepare for said outing. There’s naptime, pumping sessions, and feeding times I have to plan around. Plus, the amount of time it takes me to get myself semi put together and get baby ready to go. I feel like I look like I belong in a circus when I leave the house with the carseat, stroller, diaper bag, cooler pack… Oh! And the baby! Heck, I’m exhausted before I leave the driveway!

In all seriousness, this motherhood journey is full of joy with the abundance of smiles and drooly kisses I get from our little man. The key to survival is cutting yourself a break. I’m super hard on myself each day about what I could’ve done better or what I did wrong because I didn’t know that I wasn’t doing it right. There are so many rules to this parenting thing! It’s hard to fit your family into this mold created by “experts” when it isn’t the right fit for your family. I struggle with veering out of the rule book and I’m fighting within myself to let go and follow my baby’s needs/wants instead.

At the end of the day when I lay my baby’s head down for the night (knowing that I’ll be up in a couple hours to feed him again) I’m thankful for the opportunity to be his mommy. He’s learning and growing so quick right in front of me! Tomorrow will be his first Easter and although he won’t have a clue what’s going on and he won’t be hunting for eggs, I’m still excited to celebrate this time and cherish the memory of his first Easter. My fight within myself to be the perfect mom will be tested countless times, but it’ll be moments like his first Easter that’ll make that urge seem unimportant. I’m learning as I go!

Always,
Samantha <3