Postpartum Relationship Problems: How to Overcome the Heartache -

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Last Updated on January 15, 2025 by Samantha Flores

The day that I heard our son’s heartbeat on that sonogram was a day that everything changed for me and my husband. Our dreams had come true after facing infertility. We would soon be parents and life would be more joyous because of this little boy growing inside me. What I wasn’t prepared for were the postpartum relationship problems that would follow the birth of our son.

My husband and I have been together since we were 13 years old (yes, we are middle school sweethearts). We have literally grown up together and faced challenges in life and in our relationship, but we always managed to stick it out together. He has always been my best friend. Needless to say, I didn’t expect that having our child would cause such a strain on this rock-solid relationship.

It didn’t happen right away when our son was born. However, the postpartum relationship problems began adding up each month during that first year after birth. It got so bad that I contemplated divorce.

Fortunately, this didn’t happen. But the problems we faced were hard. Now as parents of three, we are still married and going strong. Together, we learned how to cope with postpartum relationship problems.

What Causes Postpartum Relationship Problems?

If you are looking for one single answer to this question, then you are going to be disappointed. Postpartum relationship problems happen because of many things. During the first year of life, you can expect to experience many of the following:

Sleep deprivation
Hormonal imbalance
Nutrient depletion
Brain changes
Breastfeeding demands
Less time for self-care
Less time for date nights or time with your spouse/partner
Stress (finances, returning to work too soon, other desires, etc.)
Constant changes in your baby (teething, growing, milestones, etc.)
Change in identity/roles in your family

This isn’t a comprehensive list, but you get the picture. The first year after birth brings a ton of changes to your life. All of those changes can cause turmoil in a relationship, especially if neither of you feels like your needs are being met.

This strain on your relationship is the result of a big life-changing event. It will take time to adjust and figure out a new family dynamic. The key is patience.

How to Cope with Postpartum Relationship Problems

Postpartum relationship problems are common, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take action to decrease or resolve some of the problems. Discover tips below to help you address this relationship strain and help you and your spouse/partner cope.

Communication

The number one cause of any kind of relationship problem is lack of communication. This is especially true after having a baby. Like me, I thought my husband and I had a strong line of communication open after years of being together. Unfortunately, we discovered we were actually communicating less because we were exhausted and resentful towards one another during this season.

In order to cope with postpartum relationship problems, you have to communicate. It might not always be pretty, but keeping it inside won’t help. Set aside time each day to talk to one another. Some days it may seem like you don’t have anything to talk about, and that is okay. Setting that habit to check in with each other daily will be beneficial moving forward.

Intentional Time

I know you are exhausted… believe me! I get it. The last thing I want to do is add another thing to my already full to-do list. However, having intentional time together will make a huge difference.

Intentional time together can mean having regular date nights to connect. It can also mean setting aside time daily or weekly when the two of you put away the phones and really just connect over dinner, dessert, or a simple coffee. Sometimes, this could look like just snuggling on the couch for a chunk of time.

The point is that this is time that is carved out for just the two of you. Remind each other what brought you together in the first place. Embrace one another and reconnect.

Therapy

Contrary to popular belief, going to therapy doesn’t mean something is wrong. Therapy is a tool that helps in many life instances, such as re-learning how to communicate again after the birth of a child. In addition, therapy can help moms and dads learn about their new roles and identities as parents, which can help tensions disappear.

Consider going to therapy (either together as a couple, individually, or both) to help with postpartum relationship problems. The more you learn how to communicate and connect effectively with your spouse/partner after birth, the better your relationship will be.

Make a Plan

Expecting mothers often focus on making a birth plan and planning the nursery. One huge part of the plan should include a plan for postpartum. If you spend time before having your baby making a plan with your spouse/partner, it will prevent many headaches moving forward.

If you are already experiencing challenges, it’s time to push pause, sit down together, and make a plan for the postpartum journey you are going through now.

In the plan, include things like:

Who will be responsible for night wakings/feedings
When will self-care take place for both parties
Boundaries for outside family members and friends
Who will cook dinner
How to stay on top of household duties
Care for older children and/or pets (if applicable)

This is just a starting point for you to get a plan going. Let the conversation flow from here to help ensure you are covering all bases of your lifestyle. Having a plan and setting expectations beforehand will be beneficial for your entire household.

Ask for Help

As hard as it may be for some people, asking for help is one of the best things you can do postpartum. Whether it be asking your spouse/partner for help or reaching out to family and friends, asking for help can alleviate much of the weight you are carrying on your shoulders each day.

If you are experiencing postpartum relationship problems, reach out to those you trust to help you navigate this challenge. This could be friends, family, church pastor, therapist, neighbor, etc. You are not the only one who is experiencing this as a new mom. Advice or perspective from others can be beneficial to discovering how to navigate these problems.

Give Grace

In the end, no one is perfect; give grace on all accounts. Give grace to yourself, a new mom who is learning about this new baby while also healing and rediscovering herself. Give grace to your spouse/partner as they try to figure out how to help you and learn about this new baby.

Lastly, give grace to your baby who is demanding so much from you right now. It’s difficult for everyone, but this won’t last forever.

Questions Others Are Asking About Postpartum Relationship Problems

If you are curious about postpartum relationship problems, continue reading to discover what others are asking.

Will my relationship get better after having a baby?

Just because you are experiencing postpartum relationship problems doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. If you have a desire to fix your relationship, then it will get better after having a baby. You just have to work at it.

Is it normal to feel disconnected from your partner after having a baby?

It is common to feel disconnected from your spouse/partner after having a baby. After all, there is a new person in your relationship who needs you to do everything for them. It is exhausting work and it takes up your time.

It will feel like you don’t have time for your spouse/partner because you are focused on the baby. It’s okay! But you will need to use the list above to help cope with this feeling of disconnection and reconnect.

Do most couples break up after having a baby?

There is no real statistic on exactly how many couples break up after having a baby. Does it happen? Yes. Does it happen to everyone? No. You have to take action to reconnect with your spouse/partner and they also have to make the effort with you. Your postpartum relationship problems don’t have to define you.

Is it common to fall out of love after having a baby?

It is common to feel like love is fading from a relationship after having a baby. This is due to the added stress and strain you are experiencing postpartum. However, this doesn’t mean that you are actually falling out of love. It can simply be chalked up to overwhelm and exhaustion. Remember the reason why this baby was born in the first place: out of the love you and your spouse/partner have for one another.

Reverse Postpartum Relationship Problems in Your Home

If you are struggling with postpartum relationship problems, you are not alone. Many couples experience this challenge, but it is something that you can overcome. Use the tips above to cope with these challenges and reverse the effects in your home.

Postpartum is a journey of discovery; discovering the new you, discovering this new baby, and discovering a new life. It’s not an easy journey, but it is worth every step. You can do it! I promise you will look back on these hard days and remember how strong you are because you persevered.

For help with postpartum depression, check out The Fourth Trimester: A Postpartum Depression Guide.

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